i've known you for alittle over a year. we have been through everything-- good, bad and ugly. you've seen me at my worse, more recently than ever. i'm sorry for that. i always have good reason though, and you should know that. you know me better than most, and honestly i thought i had you all figured out. i would have never thought we would end up like this when i first talking to you. it's time to take things serious, alex. the things that i feel towards you as indescribable, and nobody that comes into my life, even if they've tried, cannot replace you. i want to have you as mine, not as a posession, but as that person that everybody's supposed to have. i need you in my life. and if this is as good as it's going to get, then i'll take it.

no drugs. no alcohol. no promiscuous sex. commitment for life no matter what. i started being edge as a drunk new years' resolution three (almost) and a half years ago. honestly it started out as nothing, but i kept true and now it's something i take proud in. i do it for me. not for you. not for the shirts or the tattoos i could possibly get. not for anyone, but me. this is not a trend. this is my ing life.

but recently i've been getting so much shit. people telling me that girls can't even be straightedge. well if girls can't be straightedge then neither can guys. xsisterhoodx is all girls. so manuel, you try telling all those girls that they aren't straightedge. when some are older than you, been in it longer than you and most likely go all equal rights on your ass. and you can't get dome from someone you're not dating.

my own brother told me he'd kill me if i sold out. whaat the fuuuuck. it's my life and i can do whatever the i want with it. if you aren't friends with me for me, then get the hell out of here, because i don't want people like you in my life. if you're my friend then be friends with me because i'm a down ass person not because of some label that i happen to wear proud. how is my blood going to threaten me assuming that i will sell out ? but that's a whole other story. i just want to shake you guys into reality sometimes.

sellouts and hate edge. contradiction. in the music industry, when a band has sell out, they compromise their beliefs to further their success and make loads of money. they say sixty percent of people that claim edge when they're young, end up breaking edge by age twenty three. straightedge is about doing what's best for you. not for your friends or for solely the music alone. if your heart's not in it, then being straightedge isn't for you. but that doesn't necessarily mean that you deserve to get jumped by hate edge kids either. personally, if someone breaks edge, then whatever. it's their life. they can do what the want. they have free will. i wouldn't do it, but you aren't me. i know i wouldn't want someone to treat me all different if i ed up or stop claiming. if you claim you are obviously old enough to know right from wrong. why would i waste my time lecturing you when you already know what's up ? seriously kids, grow the fuck up.

and don't get me wrong they are some chill ass kids that are hate edge or sellouts, but it just gets on my nerves how people act about it. if an edge band sells out, then everybody and their mom suddendly know, start fights and stop listening to them all together. even when a week before they were saying that was their favorite band. i'm going to admit that i listen to edge bands that aren't edge anymore. the bands that had the x's in their names and took that shit out. because either way music is music. as i said before i'm not straightedge for the music; i'm straightedge for myself.

places

• disneyland.
• orange county.
• las vegas.
• nashville.
• dallas.
• panama city.
• stairs @ 2 am.

things to get.

• phone.
• cyc membership.
• erik's graff.
• new clamp.
• moccasins.
• pet pig / mouse.
• record player.
• electric screwdriver.
• phone from kyla.
• shirt & phone from kraig.
• camera & shoes from shon.

misc to do.

• sew shirts.
• clean whole house.
• take pictures with india. robert
• teach india how to swim.
• chill with cameron. nick.
• book show for this city in collision.
• fix things with tony.
• homestudies.
• hop trains.
• cover with ronie.
• spraypaint shoes.
• canvas.
• 1000 days.
• india's septum.
• chalk up tower.
• boogie-boarding.
• house party.
• tour with band.
• clothing line.
• . acoustic. indie band.
  
• glue everything back in sketchbook.
• fill up sketchbook.

piercings

• septum.
• snakebites.
• bridge.
• dimples.
• collar bones.
• hips.
• finger webbing.

tattoos

• ribcage.
• actual heart.
• diamond.
• zombies.
• "song bird".
• straightedge.
• lilies.
• matching birds and hello kitty with india.
• giraffes with robert.
• nevada.
• the strip.
• "have heart"

modeling gigs.

• x1981x.
• babycakes.
• american apparel.
• happy ghost.

merching

• love it or leave it.
• vannacutt.
• destruction of a rose.
• the warriors.
• first .
• as he defeats.
• last call.
• the air i breathe.